


Saturation

by ivysea



Series: Dealing with Feelings [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Episode: s07e09 Ouroboros, M/M, Sad Mickey Milkovich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 13:40:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20779502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivysea/pseuds/ivysea
Summary: It was too much. Mickey wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be withdrawn. If he was withdrawn, it wouldn’t be so hard for Ian to push him away before things went too far. Before he fucked his ex while his boyfriend slept in their bed at home.





	Saturation

**Author's Note:**

> Ok first things first....
> 
> Stays canonical until season 7 episode 09 when Mickey escapes from prison. Mickey doesn’t escape, he is released on parole for snitching on some other guys. When the detective comes looking for him at the Gallagher’s house, it’s actually his parole officer coming to discuss some terms of his parole. Mickey isn't on the run here, he is back in the Southside living his life. (this is just some background to help everything make sense.)

“Mickey’s back?” Ian heard someone, maybe Lip, say as the man drove off towards the Milkovich residence. If anyone had given him this news a few months ago he would’ve crowed with joy. Now, things were different. Too different. Ian had Trevor now and he loved him. He was happy and stable for once and he didn’t want it to change. 

Fiona turned towards him. “Look, Ian, I know I’m not your boss or some shit, but I think you should stay away from him. He’s gonna throw a fuckin’ match on everything you’ve built.” She said, looking pointedly at Trevor. 

Ian knew she was right. He couldn’t go back. He was stable now and Mickey was the biggest source for instability. But god, Ian was addicted. He wanted to see him again and tell him he loved him and missed him. But he couldn’t, not now and not ever. He had a life now. He had Trevor, who was staring at his silent form as he thought. Holding his hand as his world was shaken. 

Ian could sense the tension in the air. They probably thought he would snap or bolt and go straight back to Mickey. “Actually Fi, I was about to say the same thing. Yeah, I loved Mick and I did some stupid shit to be with him in the past, but it’s different now. I’m different. Trust me.” He said, smiling as he saw his siblings’ shoulders sag with relief and heard Trevor’s exhale. 

“Fuckin’ good. We don’t need you goin’ bat shit again.” Lip laughed. 

“Ha. Right.” Ian agreed, feeling something in his heart break just a little. It would be weird not getting back into Mickey’s orbit, following him like he was the sun. They were nothing but destructive together. This was for the best. Really. 

He turned to his right, looking at Trevor with a grin; “Wanna go to Patsy’s and get some dessert?"

“Yeah. That would be great.” He responded, looking fifty shades of relieved. 

They went and got their pie and talked and laughed. Ian loved this. With Trevor, he knew he would always come to open arms, someone who wasn’t afraid to love him. He had someone soft and law abiding and loving, who encouraged him to be his best. Every single day. He knew he couldn’t be with Mickey again. He had to get over it and move the fuck on. Being together wasn’t good for either of them and he knew it, Mickey had to know it, literally everyone around them knew it. 

A few hours later, as the boys slept in Ian’s bed, his phone buzzed. And then it buzzed again, and again. It buzzed once more before Ian grabbed it from the nightstand. Trevor looked at him sleepily, silently questioning who would be calling this late. 

Ian ran his hand through Trevor’s hair, giving him a soft smile. “Sorry, it’s work. They must be short, I’m just gonna take this real quick.” He said as he backed out of the room and out the phone to his ear. 

“Miss me?” 

“Mick? What the fuck. Why are you calling me?” 

“Come over.” Mickey said into the phone, his voice making Ian’s heart stutter. 

“Why would I do that?” Ian shot back, pretending to be unphased. 

“Just- fuck- come over. Wanna see you.” 

“Not a good idea.” Ian snapped as he stumbled down the stairs as quietly as possible, tugging a jacket on as he went. He pulled his shoes on once he reached the door, waiting for Mickey to say something rude or crass, something to make his blood boil. 

“Please.” 

That was all it took. Ian was out the door and on the street in a heartbeat. His brain was screaming at him, he was supposed to say no. He should’ve stayed strong. But Mickey never asked him like this, never needed him like this. 

“The fuck are you staying?” He asked, staring up at the moon. 

“The apartments on 5th. By the tracks. Second floor, room 203.” Mickey breathed, almost relieved. Ian thought for a moment that he might’ve doubted that Ian would come. But that couldn’t be true. He knew the hold he had on Ian. He had to at this point. 

“Be there in 10. Don’t call me at this time again.” He said, hanging up. He couldn’t be gentle with the other man. If he was gentle, he would give up his power. He would spiral out of control again. 

The walk to Mickey’s place was spent running through thousands of scenarios. They would fight, obviously, then they would fuck. But what would Mickey say to set him off? What would send him flying off the handle? By the time he arrived at the door, he had worked himself into an anger at the other man. How dare he call? How could he do this? 

Mickey flung the door open before he could knock and pulled him in. 

Then it was just the two of them, breathing heavily and staring at each other in the dim sitting room. Mickey opened his mouth, then closed it. Ian did the same. Silence engulfed them. 

“Knew you would come.” Mickey cracked, letting a smile fall over his face. 

“We can’t do this Mick. Things are different now. I'm stable, I have a job.” Ian snapped, backing away slightly, hit with the weight of his actions. His boyfriend was sleeping in his bed, thinking he was off saving lives, not meeting up with his ex. His boyfriend. Fuck. 

“Got a boyfriend now.” 

“Glad you’re stable. And working! Never thought I’d see the day Ian Galla- wait, boyfriend?” Mickey froze, face crumbling for a split second before he pulled his mask into place. “Great. The fuck are you doing here then?” He shot, glaring at Ian, allowing him to put more space between them. 

“I-” He stopped and stepped forward, grabbing Mickey’s face and crashing their lips together. He kissed him like Mickey was the air and he was drowning. He took and took and took, chasing Mickey’s mouth with his own for minutes, barely breathing. 

It was Mickey who pulled away, staring into Ian’s eyes. “God, Gallagher. I fucking missed you. Got your name on my skin to remind me every day. Every night.” He breathed. 

Ian was confused. They were never like this. He was supposed to be the one begging for validation, for love. He was the one who spilled embarrassingly soft confessions and waited for validation. Mickey was supposed to be cold, withdrawn, not making beautiful confessions and staring at Ian like he hung the fucking moon. 

He couldn’t speak. It was just too much, he didn’t even know what to say to match what Mickey had said. Instead, he kissed him again. Mickey tore at his clothes, undressing them both in record time. He ran his hands all over Ian, whispering “Missed you.” Over and over as their lips and teeth and tongues battled. 

It was too much. Mickey wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be withdrawn. If he was withdrawn, it wouldn’t be so hard for Ian to push him away before things went too far. Before he fucked his ex while his boyfriend slept in their bed at home. 

“God, Mick. You gotta stop. We can’t do this.” Ian pleaded, pushing Mickey off him again. As they stood, panting, Ian took in Mickey’s appearance. His hair was a little longer, falling haphazardly around his face. Ian wondered what it would be like to pull it as he fucked into him. His skin was pale- paler than usual. His lips were wet and swollen as he wiped over them with a hand. A shaking hand. But that’s not what stood out to Ian the most. His eyes were different; sadder. They were begging Ian to give in and love Mickey the way he had before. They were dark and stormy, like the dark ink that stained Mickey’s chest with Ian’s name. 

“Please, Ian. I'm not gonna beg ya for it but can’t you see I need this? Just one more time.” Mickey’s voice wavered, but his gaze didn’t. He stared right at Ian. 

“One more time. That’s all.” 

“Yeah, just once. C’mon Gallagher.” 

“I have a boyfriend now.” 

“I know. Okay? Stop saying it. Just forget about him for one night.” Mickey snapped, taking a tiny step forward. As soon as he entered Ian’s space again, he knew it was game over. How could he say no to Mickey? 

“Fine. Against the wall.” Ian said, leaning in for another dirty kiss. 

Mickey grinned against Ian’s lips before pulling away to turn around. “Be gentle, yeah? Haven’t done this shit in a while.” He said. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Ian laughed, pressing against Mickey’s smaller frame. 

There weren’t any words after that. Ian just pressed kisses along Mickey’s neck, holding him against the wall with one hand as his other uncapped the bottle of lube Mickey had passed him. He slowly started working him open, listening to Mickey’s moans. 

“I’m ready. Please Ian” 

Ian paused for a moment. There was no way Mickey was ready yet. He was painfully tight around Ian’s fingers. “Not yet. It’ll hurt you.” 

“Need it” He gasped. “Need to feel it” He pushed back against Ian’s fingers, reaching with a hand to tug at Ian’s sweats. Ian pulled them down, it was better to just get it over with, he supposed. He slicked himself up before slowly pressing in. He couldn’t help the low groan that escaped his lips, fingers grappling at Mickey’s waist. 

One of Mickey’s hands curled into a fist on the wall above his head, knuckles white. “Just, just hold still for a sec. Gotta get used to you.” He panted, squeezing his fist a little tighter. Ian just nodded against his neck, hand shooting up to smooth over Mickey’s fist, tangling their fingers. 

“Tell me when you’re ready, baby.” Ian breathed, the pet name slipping past his lips before he could catch it. He heard Mickey’s breath hitch, felt his fingers squeeze around his hand a little tighter. 

It was as if time froze and they were thrown back to years ago. Before all the bad and crazy and hurt. Back when they could be Mickey and Ian without the world getting involved. There they were, Ian wrapped around Mickey’s pale frame, pressed against a dirty wall. They were saturated with the pain of the time they had spent apart, but as Ian sat, buried in Mickey, he felt whole for a moment. 

“Move. Please Ian, I need you to fuck me.” Mickey babbled, breaking the thick silence that had settled around them. “I’m all yours.” He added, fucking back onto Ian, never letting go of his hand. 

Ian set a rapid pace, fucking Mickey into the wall. It was dirty and raw and everything he had missed since the other man had been locked away. After a few minutes of the fast-paced movements, he slowed, running his free hand up and down Mickey’s side. He could feel the goosebumps raising wherever he touched. Mickey whined quietly beneath him, trying to speed the pace again. He never liked the slow shit; they both knew it was because there were always too many feelings involved with it. Ian didn’t care this time. He would never tell Mickey how he felt again, had to distance himself from what they had. If this was going to be their last time, he would take full advantage. 

“All mine, baby. Missed this.” He murmured against Mickey’s neck, grazing his teeth up and down the pale skin. He could feel the effect he had of Mickey, the way he tightened around him and shivered. He reached a hand around them, stroking Mickey to the time of his thrusts. He was close, it would all be over soon. He would go home, back to his bed and his boyfriend, and forget about this night. 

It was as if Mickey could hear his thoughts because his hand shot down and slowed Ian’s movements on him. “Not yet. Wanna last longer.” He said, trying to slow Ian’s thrusts as well. 

“I’m almost there, Mick, c’mon. Almost there, baby.” He moaned, trying to speed up again. He was feeling too much. Everything was closing around him and he knew if he stayed much longer, he would be a goner. He wouldn’t be able to leave. “We gotta finish, baby.” He added, kissing at Mickey’s neck again. 

“I don’t want this to end, Ian, please don’t let it end yet. Need this, need you.” Mickey babbled, hanging his head with a moan. “Missed this too much. Missed you.” 

Ian’s heart dropped. Mickey was never like this with him, he never got the words he was currently getting. He too, wanted to hold on for just a moment longer. Just one night wouldn’t hurt. It would help them both heal their memories of each other. He tangled a hand in Mickey’s hair, tipping his head back to kiss him lightly, hips stuttering to a stop. 

“Let’s go to your bed, Mick. Wanna hold you.” 

With that, Mickey let out a strangled noise. It was the saddest thing Ian had ever heard. He didn’t remember Mickey ever acting like this in the past, he was so different now. If only he could’ve been like this before, maybe there would be no meds and no Trevor and no jail. Maybe they could’ve had a fighting chance. 

Mickey led him to a small bedroom with a mattress on the floor in one corner. He pulled Ian over and down onto him. Ian moved to flip Mickey and continue but he was stopped when Mickey placed a hand on his cheek. The look he was met with was one of pain and Ian broke their eye contact quickly, before he could sink into it. 

“Can we do it this way?” Mickey asked, staying on his back with Ian on top of him. “Just wanna see you for a little while.” He finished, waiting for a response. Ian just nodded, leaning on one arm while he pushed back into Mickey, allowing him to wrap his legs around him. 

Their eyes met. This time, Ian didn’t break the eye contact, he just began thrusting. Mickey’s moans and fingers on his back egged him on, making him move faster and faster. Mickey was speaking again, almost incoherently between his moans. He kept telling Ian how much he missed him. Ian didn’t speak, just watched the other man fall apart beneath him. He was so close, as he chased his high, he realized that he would have to leave Mickey after this. He came with a heavy heart, jerking Mickey to completion as well. 

After it all, they laid side by side in the dark. Neither man moved and neither spoke. After a few moments, Mickey rolled to his side, gaze burning into Ian as he too turned. They laid face to face for a few seconds before Mickey spoke. 

“Did you ever think about me?” 

Ian sighed. Of course he did, every day and every night. He couldn’t just forget Mickey. Despite that, he couldn’t tell him that. He knew Mickey too well than to believe that he could admit to missing him and still expect Mickey to leave him alone. 

“I have a boyfriend Mick.” 

Mickey’s eyes flashed hurt before he rolled back onto his back, staring at the ceiling. Ian slowly sat up, deciding that the conversation was over. He should get back before Trevor woke up. He could make breakfast as an apology for leaving that night. 

“You’re not sleepin’ here?” Mickey asked, watching Ian gather his clothes from the floor. 

“Nah, Mick. Gotta get home.” 

“Got it.” Mickey snapped, standing to retrieve Ian’s shirt from the living room. 

“Thanks,” Ian said, pulling the shirt over his head. As he opened the front door, he turned and looked at Mickey one last time. “And Mick, don’t call again.” 

With that, he walked out into the hallway and shut the door behind him, not waiting for a response. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is just part 1! Part 2 is from Mickey's perspective a few weeks later. We all know they can't stay away from each other. 
> 
> Anyways, kudos/reviews are always welcome! Thank you for reading :)


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